Samantha Wilson

Eight Ways to Achieve the Ultimate Safe Family

What is a Safe Family?

Safe families are empowered by knowledge, not disabled by fear. They do not choose to ignore or deny potential danger; instead, they learn everything they can about it. Knowledge is empowering. The more you know about how something happened, what went wrong, and how it could have been prevented, the better prepared you will be.

As a police officer and a child safety expert, I have met many parents who live in constant fear for the safety of their kids, fear that affects every decision they make. They are consumed with the horror they see daily in the media, and are driven to protect their kids at any cost. I applaud their devotion. However, too much fear can often disguise the warning signs of dangerous people and situations, and actually cause you to make unsafe choices. If you allow yourself to become consumed with fear you will not be able to protect your kids.

The only thing you need to fear is what you do not understand or know about, because if you can see the dangers, and understand the threats that your kids face, you can prepare for them. If you don’t look at them, they will sneak up behind you, and you will be left with the reactive response, which you might say is like crossing your fingers and hoping for the best.

Let’s face it, there are terrible tragedies reported every day in the media, some with details that I truly believe only the police and other professionals need to know. The safe parent has to learn about these dangers, but they won’t focus on the gruesome details. They’ll gain insight by finding the point in the story where a choice changed the course of events.

A safe parent is able to predict when good will go bad as easily as knowing when their child is in need. Being able to predict when good will go bad is about “tickling” your natural ability to recognize the warning signals sent by people, places, and things. A safe parent is someone who is able to separate perceived danger from the real thing, someone who is able to predict danger and prevent tragedy. That parent is you.

Rules for Safe Parents to Live By

1. Listen to your instincts. Question everything. You have a natural ability to sense danger. If your instinct is telling you there is danger, there is—period.

2. Anticipate worst-case scenarios through role-plays. Prepare for the unexpected. “You don’t need to hit me with a stick to know it hurts.” Well, you also don’t need to personally experience events to learn how to react to them. Role play potential real dangers, making sure your scenarios are realistic. Know the difference between real and perceived danger.

3. Lead with your eyes and mind. Look ahead and beyond what is in front of you. Know your surroundings before you pass them. Think about clues that are presented to you and try to understand their meanings.

4. Don’t jump recklessly into unsafe situations. Cops don’t jump recklessly into unsafe situations, and neither should you. Although television shows like to make you believe that cops act on the spur of the moment, they simply don’t. That would be stupid, dangerous, and even deadly. Each person, place, and event is assessed—yes, sometimes at lightning speed—for its threat level and risk factor.

Surveillance, assessment, and planning are what make it possible for cops to return to their families at the end of the day—not complacency, recklessness, or fearlessness.

Although I am certain that you, a parent, would throw yourself into danger to protect your children, you don’t need to. You just have to recognize when it’s a good time to run in the other direction.

5. Always call for help. You are never alone. More people will help you than hurt you—believe that. Don’t be afraid to call for help—you are not bothering anyone. Recognize your limitations. Don’t go into a dangerous place or situation alone.

6. Resist complacency. Complacency is the number-one reason for victimization. Don’t wait until tomorrow to fix the locks on your doors, and never believe that it can’t happen to you. Anything is possible—and everyone is equal when it comes to dangers.

7. Get involved. It takes a community to keep kids safe;y. Learn about what dangers are specific to your community. Attend town meetings, express your opinions, and speak up for kids and their safety. Most of all, get over any unwillingness you may have about reporting a crime to the police. Do it anonymously if you like, but always—always—report any suspicious activity or people to the police. Simply by being a member of your community, you are already involved, and the information you give—no matter how insignificant it may seem—could be a turning point in an investigation and ultimately save a life or result in getting a creep off the streets your children are playing in.

8. Trust yourself and your ability to protect your family.  Commitment, perseverance, and intolerance for anything less than the best for your kids are essential traits in a safe parent.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that your children can protect themselves before they are ready.  They are only the very first layer of protection – you are the last and most important one.  Hang on to your children until it is safe to let go.

The Internet has opened the world to your kids, and technology pushes us eagerly into seeking new ways to protect them.  But in fact you already have the most powerful tools right at your fingertips.  Keeping the lines of communication open and committing yourself to proper supervision of your children are the keys to their safety. 

There is no magic gadget, trick, cloak or weapon that will ultimately keep your kids safe.  Safe families are dedicated as a family to staying safe.  It is that simple – because crimes can be prevented, violence is predictable and knowledge is the key.

Help! There Is a Child Molester in My Neighborhood!

I was recently a guest on a radio show in Dallas TX, to talk about an arrest of a registered sex offender who had allegedly molested a neighborhood girl. 

Parents are often shocked to read or hear about a recent arrest of someone in their community who have committed a terrible crime against a child.  Naturally, they wonder how safe their communities really are.

Over the years, I have been asked by parents if there was a way that they could find out if a child molester or dangerous person is living within their communities.  In the USA, there are a number of websites that you can search by name, city, county and location as well as go to your local police department's web site.  However, in Canada, we do not have the access to the same detailed information.

I hate to say it, but most often in Canada you can't find out, unless your local police department decides that an individual poses a heightened risk to your community.  If they do, then they will tell you about it.  If they don't, you will never know.  This is a perfect example of how the bad guy's right to privacy often outweighs children's right to safety.

You can call your local police service and ask them if they have released information about any child molesters in your neighborhood, or even check their web site.  Many police departments post current high risk or wanted offenders regularly.

But in any case, regardless if you have frequent access to detailed information, don't just focus on the "identified child molesters."  Child molesters have an average of thirty prior incidents before they are reported for the first time.

Instead, you should pay attention to everyone in your neighborhood and especially those that are close to your family and kids.  Don't be paranoid, but be aware that child molesters are skilled manipulators and are often the "nice guy" in town.

Talk to your kids about personal safety, and teach them to always trust their instincts.  Make sure that you keep the lines of communication open.  If someone makes your child feel uncomfortable, and they are confident that you will listen to, and validate their feelings, they will tell you about it. 

To Filter or Not to Filter?

Isn’t technology fantastic!

I mean it. I’m not being sarcastic.  I really am a true fan of all things techie.  I am fascinated by the idea that there are opportunities for developers to create ways to make our everyday lives less complicated; to find ways for us to reach out and connect with old friends, new friends and soon-to-be friends…plus all the amazing conveniences like online banking, shopping and access to information that the Internet has brought.

Technology and the Internet are amazing, and I suspect that as it becomes more and more entrenched in our lives, we will start to demand access everywhere we go.

Like…..when we travel  -  let’s say. 

Wi-Fi at 30,000 feet is not a new idea, and is already available on a select number of airlines and popularity will continue to rise.  The continuous losses in the travel industry have forced airlines to add services like Internet access to attract more customers, but at what cost to child safety?

Here is a thought….if the guy sitting next to you and your 8 year old on a flight from LA to New York fancies soft porn, and his monitor is stuck on the seat back in full view, how would you feel?

What if the woman next to you is watching a video on YouTube about how to smoke a joint, or shoot heroin…what would you tell your kid? 

What if the kid beside you opens an email with large font curse words “F ***K  YOU” –  would you want your kid repeating what he read?

There are a lot of dangers that the Internet and technology bring but we try to balance the good with the bad.  As parents, we probably have Internet filters that help keep inappropriate content from reaching our kids when they log on at home.  Libraries, government agencies, schools and even many workplaces have some sort of Internet filter.  They are responsible.

But what about the airlines?  Is it their duty to be as responsible to your kids?  Should they filter content too? 

Some say yes, many say no. 

Are our constitutional rights to free speech interfering with our right to protect our kids from damaging information?

Can Kids Predict the Future US President?

Some say yes! 

The Scholastic Kids Press Corp is a group of kids from grades four to six, who cover news stories around the nation for Scholastic News Online and Scholastic's classroom magazines.  The media has an effect on kids not just for Fruit Roll Ups and the Newest Video Game release, but for subjects that are important to their parents too.

Like the rest of the US and most of Canada, these mini-reporters are fascinated with the US election process (who isn’t this year?) and have opened a kids only vote for who they think should be the next  44th President of the United States.

Voting was open to grades one to twelve and surprisingly, kids are as interested the history making election as their parents!  Is it that the US will have their first African American President, or the first Woman Vice President?   

The results this morning were winner – Barack Obama 57%  to John McCain 39% with a 4% choosing other.

Perhaps this is a reflection of what we will see their parents do on November 4th, or perhaps it is just a great way for kids to become interested, involved and aware of their country, and how what the adults do this year will effect their future.

Canada votes today. 

Although us Canadians are much quieter, less flashy and a little more humbled by the election process, the effect of our decisions today will have a profound impact in our kids future. 

As parents we have choices to make that will affect our kids safety, well being and future.  We make safe choices daily - that's just part of parenting.  But today in Canada, and on November 4th in the US, lets think beyond the moment and into the future. 

Take a stand, for your children and VOTE.  

When is a Flasher More Than Just a Flasher?

  Since 1974, when Michael O’Brien ran naked (wearing only his sneakers) across the British Cricket Field, streaking has become a somewhat innocent although startling behavior.

But when does nudity through “streaking” cross the line from funny antics, to potential sexual deviants? 

A reporter contacted me yesterday to talk about a known offender who is a homeless alcoholic that has a tendency for exposing himself to kids in the community.  The hot button question was whether this guy poses a significant risk to the safety of kids in the community.  My answer… “Perhaps.” 

I know.  I know.  Wouldn’t it be great if I could say with the utmost certainty “YES!  He is a danger to kids and will continue to expose himself, using this behavior to fuel his sexual fantasies towards young children, gradually gaining more confidence until he will ultimately abuse a child,  and therefore he should be sent to jail and locked away for good.”

But, I can’t say that, and nor should anyone else.   We don’t know what he is capable of.  Some people expose themselves for shock (streakers), some for control, some for sexual deviance.   Which category this guy falls into is up to the psychologists to decide. By the way, one is ordered to do an assessment on him through the courts.

What I pressed the reporter to write about and encourage in his story, isn’t the fact that there is a creep in the community – everyone knows that!  This guy is a well known, creepy, bum in a small town.   But rather to impress on his readers to report any incident that involves this or any other person that exposes himself to kids or adults.  Yes, adults too!   

If any of you have been “flashed” before, as an adult, it is easy to convince yourself to just ignore the behavior, and tell your friends about the weird experience.  And it usually ends there.  Don’t let it.  Be sure to report the incident to the police.  It won’t take much of your time, and won’t be wasting theirs.  I promise.  What you may be doing, when reporting, is adding an important piece of a puzzle to an ongoing investigation.

Did you know:

In Canada, unless the police “catch him exposing himself” or in police lingo “he is found in the commission of the offence” they won’t arrest him.  Indecent exposure is a summary conviction offence, which limits police arrest authority.  So don’t be disappointed when he isn’t dragged off in handcuffs. Instead they will give him an Appearance Notice that compels him to go to court, and use you as a witness.  So he is charged, just not arrested.

A Bigger Danger Less Feared: Childhood Obesity

As some of you may already know, lately, I have been focusing on a new issue in child safety.  It is without a doubt, one of the biggest dangers that will affect our children now and into the future.

The victims are the children.  The culprits are not the “predators” and “deviants” that safety experts often focus on.  In fact the culprits that put these children into danger are usually the ones that strive to protect them in the first place.

What is the danger?  What could be so bad that it will cause this next generation's life expectancy to be lower than we have seen in history?

What is it that worries me…. Childhood Obesity.

Did you know..

39% of children aged 6 to 11 years and 42% of adolescents aged 12 to 19 years in the United States are overweight.

The most immediate consequence of being overweight as perceived by the children themselves is social discrimination. This is associated with poor self-esteem and depression.

43% of adolescents watch more than 2 hours of television each day

Overweight adolescents have a 70% chance of becoming overweight or obese adults.

I can’t help but ask why are we not spending as much time learning how to protect our kids from childhood obesity as we are from predators and strangers? 

Don’t misunderstand me: “people” are still the biggest threat to your kids.  In cases of abuse and assault, it is more often people that you know or knows you that will hurt your children (as opposed to a complete stranger).  In cases of childhood obesity – it is usually the child and parents themselves. 

And although you try hard, and mean well and would never wish harm on your child, if you enable their unhealthy eating habits and inactivity – you will be contributing to a tremendous amount of pain and suffering as they grow to be overweight and unhealthy adults.

Recently a desperate mother of a 220 lb. 13 year old daughter opted for gastric bypass surgery to help her lose weight.  However, the surgery is not approved for children in the US.  So the mother found a doctor in Mexico who would perform the surgery. 

She felt there was no help or other option available to her in the US.  Are we really left to resort to desperate measures?

There is a very good book out for cooking low fat and healthy recipes your kids will like that I recommend.  It is called Deceptively Delicious.  It can be found in any bookstore or on Amazon.   That’s a start.  There are also a plethora of healthy eating and lifestyle websites, books and support groups out there …. All you have to do is GOOGLE any combination you can think of.

Child safety is more than predators, abduction and car seats.  It is also about living a healthy and safe lifestyle.

O'Reilly: Factor This!

It has taken me a couple days to find the right words to respond to Bill O’Reilly’s comments regarding the Shawn Hornbeck kidnapping.  It amazes me how someone with access to so much information, so many experts, so many people who are much brighter than he is, can be so ignorant to the basic psychology of victims.

To even hint at the thought that this 14 year-old-boy had “fun” while he was in captivity would be unacceptable – but to come right out and say it,  is obnoxious, offensive and a clear sign of complete moronic behavior.

Factor this O’Reilly: just because this child was not “physically restrained” at all times does not mean that he was not in emotional captivity.  Consider the thousands of women who spend a lifetime in abusive relationships and never leave, even though they are not “physically tied to the floor.”  The victim/abuser relationship is not much different, except Shawn was an abducted child!

Devlin likely used manipulation, threats, fear and abuse to keep this boy from leaving.  Keeping someone from escaping an abusive situation without physical restraints may be hard to understand, but it is not hard to accomplish – as Devlin proved.

And why is everyone so intent on confirming there was sexual abuse?  Of course there was.  Should Shawn have to broadcast his tragic ordeal to all of us through a TV news show?  Absolutely not, and if I were his mother I would do everything to protect him from being re-victimized by idiots like O’Reilly who, for ratings – are intent on making this boy “explain himself.”

What is wrong with you?  He did NOTHING wrong.  Nothing.

As a child safety expert and former cop I thought I had heard and seen the worst.  Until now.  O'Reilly, you need to apologize to this family, to this boy, and to your viewers.  I know you know better.

And,  as a father yourself – you should be ashamed.

New York Subway Hero

People often ask me how I do what I do.  How can I work in an industry with so much tragedy?  Where every day I address incidents where people behave like animals towards each other.  Especially, when the victims are so often kids. 

Here's what I say, and what I believe with all my heart. 

There are more good people in this world that will help you than hurt you.  I know this to be true.  As a cop, I saw it. 

This New Year highlighted a special hero the media is now calling “The New York Subway Hero.”
 
Early this month, ex U.S. Navy veteran Wesley Autrey risked his own life to save a stranger from an oncoming subway train.  He jumped to what should have been his death, without reservation, to save a stranger.

Now I am not suggesting that everyone risk their lives as Autrey did, but, something as simple as giving your seat on the bus to an elderly person, holding the door for another and exchanging a meaningful smile, can make  a big difference in a day. 

At the risk of this old copper sounding a bit corny, this year, my resolution is to help bring a little more attention to the daily heroes among us. 

If you know a hero, young or old - let me know …

www.kidproofusa.com

Robin Williams: A Scholar of Common Sense

I just watched Hardball with Chris Matthews on MSNBC.  He was on location at Georgetown University and his special guest was Robin Williams. 

Of course the show had the forever wired Chris Matthews tone, and the focus was to promote Williams' new film Man of The Year - but a comment from Williams at the end of the show struck me hard.  Matthews asked "What would you tell these college students about the future?" (the audience was made up of hundreds of screaming Georgetown students). 

In classic Williams style, he cracked a few jokes then looked at the wide-eyed group and said "The world is waiting for you..go at it full speed.  Don't be afraid - you can make a difference and the world needs you now more than ever."  I couldn't agree more.

Mark Foley: Pedophile or Not?

I can't resist any longer.  And I know that you have been hearing about Mark Foley daily, but I wanted to address a constant mistake that media continues to make and that is calling Foley a Pedophile.

From the evidence I have seen (same as you I am sure) he was communicating with a sixteen-year-old page about sexual acts, fantasies and other explicit talk that is more appropriate for two adults.

This is fact.  What is not proven, is that Foley is a pedophile.

Wait, I know you are thinking HANG ON, he was talking dirty to a kid!  Yes, he was talking dirty and quite likely breaking a law (ironically one that he helped to write) but this particular target of his was not a pre-pubescent child.

Here is what a pedophile is, according to the medical description in the DSM-IV (medical journal that categorizes virtually all known mental disorders used by the Psychiatric Doctors).

1. Someone who has repeated sexual fantasies about sexual relations with a pre-pubescent child
2. The person is over the age of 16
3. There is at least five years difference in age between the adult and child
4. Their disorder has caused hardship or conflicts in their lives

Foley meets #'s 2,3 and 4 but not #1.

He may be sexual deviant, and possibly a child molester, but he is not (by his recent actions) a pedophile because his target is not a pre-pubescent child.

I know it may seem like a minor point and the real tragedy is that he was placed in a position of authority over so many minors that we can only guess what his past activities consisted of.....but it is important to get the terms right.

Visit Kidproof to learn more about keeping your kids safe from predators.