What is a Safe Family?
Safe families are empowered by knowledge, not disabled by fear. They do not choose to ignore or deny potential danger; instead, they learn everything they can about it. Knowledge is empowering. The more you know about how something happened, what went wrong, and how it could have been prevented, the better prepared you will be.
As a police officer and a child safety expert, I have met many parents who live in constant fear for the safety of their kids, fear that affects every decision they make. They are consumed with the horror they see daily in the media, and are driven to protect their kids at any cost. I applaud their devotion. However, too much fear can often disguise the warning signs of dangerous people and situations, and actually cause you to make unsafe choices. If you allow yourself to become consumed with fear you will not be able to protect your kids.
The only thing you need to fear is what you do not understand or know about, because if you can see the dangers, and understand the threats that your kids face, you can prepare for them. If you don’t look at them, they will sneak up behind you, and you will be left with the reactive response, which you might say is like crossing your fingers and hoping for the best.
Let’s face it, there are terrible tragedies reported every day in the media, some with details that I truly believe only the police and other professionals need to know. The safe parent has to learn about these dangers, but they won’t focus on the gruesome details. They’ll gain insight by finding the point in the story where a choice changed the course of events.
A safe parent is able to predict when good will go bad as easily as knowing when their child is in need. Being able to predict when good will go bad is about “tickling” your natural ability to recognize the warning signals sent by people, places, and things. A safe parent is someone who is able to separate perceived danger from the real thing, someone who is able to predict danger and prevent tragedy. That parent is you.
Rules for Safe Parents to Live By
1. Listen to your instincts. Question everything. You have a natural ability to sense danger. If your instinct is telling you there is danger, there is—period.
2. Anticipate worst-case scenarios through role-plays. Prepare for the unexpected. “You don’t need to hit me with a stick to know it hurts.” Well, you also don’t need to personally experience events to learn how to react to them. Role play potential real dangers, making sure your scenarios are realistic. Know the difference between real and perceived danger.
3. Lead with your eyes and mind. Look ahead and beyond what is in front of you. Know your surroundings before you pass them. Think about clues that are presented to you and try to understand their meanings.
4. Don’t jump recklessly into unsafe situations. Cops don’t jump recklessly into unsafe situations, and neither should you. Although television shows like to make you believe that cops act on the spur of the moment, they simply don’t. That would be stupid, dangerous, and even deadly. Each person, place, and event is assessed—yes, sometimes at lightning speed—for its threat level and risk factor.
Surveillance, assessment, and planning are what make it possible for cops to return to their families at the end of the day—not complacency, recklessness, or fearlessness.
Although I am certain that you, a parent, would throw yourself into danger to protect your children, you don’t need to. You just have to recognize when it’s a good time to run in the other direction.
5. Always call for help. You are never alone. More people will help you than hurt you—believe that. Don’t be afraid to call for help—you are not bothering anyone. Recognize your limitations. Don’t go into a dangerous place or situation alone.
6. Resist complacency. Complacency is the number-one reason for victimization. Don’t wait until tomorrow to fix the locks on your doors, and never believe that it can’t happen to you. Anything is possible—and everyone is equal when it comes to dangers.
7. Get involved. It takes a community to keep kids safe. Learn about what dangers are specific to your community. Attend town meetings, express your opinions, and speak up for kids and their safety. Most of all, get over any unwillingness you may have about reporting a crime to the police. Do it anonymously if you like, but always—always—report any suspicious activity or people to the police. Simply by being a member of your community, you are already involved, and the information you give—no matter how insignificant it may seem—could be a turning point in an investigation and ultimately save a life or result in getting a creep off the streets your children are playing in.
8. Trust yourself and your ability to protect your family. Commitment, perseverance, and intolerance for anything less than the best for your kids are essential traits in a safe parent.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that your children can protect themselves before they are ready. They are only the very first layer of protection – you are the last and most important one. Hang on to your children until it is safe to let go.
The Internet has opened the world to your kids, and technology pushes us eagerly into seeking new ways to protect them. But in fact you already have the most powerful tools right at your fingertips. Keeping the lines of communication open and committing yourself to proper supervision of your children are the keys to their safety.
There is no magic gadget, trick, cloak or weapon that will ultimately keep your kids safe. Safe families are dedicated as a family to staying safe. It is that simple – because crimes can be prevented, violence is predictable and knowledge is the key.
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